 | “At the end of the night, together with the help of the host, Hanz rolled up the rug and carried it away. (It should be noted that Persian Rugs are generally considered to be the best and most valuable hand-made rugs in the world.)....” |
Farhad: “Hey how are you doing?”
Amir: “Oh I’m good, thanks for coming to lunch today”
Farhad: “You’re more than welcome. Hey that is such a nice watch you are wearing, is that new?!”
Amir: “Oh this is nothing! Please take it!” (Amir starts to take off the brand new Rolex from his wrist)
Farhad: “No way”
Amir: “Please take it”
Farhad: “NO WAY!! I cannot accept that”
Amir: “Take it I insist. I will not put it on…it can sit here on the table for all I care” (Amir shoves the watch into the hands of Farhad)
Farhad: “No way, are you serious! Put it back on I don’t even like wearing watches” (you can clearly see a watch on his wrist) This argument could go on for minutes until one person finally gives. You have just witnessed an Iranian custom called Taroof. While the tradition is also practiced in other Middle Eastern countries, this article will limit its discussion to the practice of Taroof in Iran.
This choreographed dance of offering and refusing is enacted and re-enacted daily. Taroof is supported by the religious principles of Islam, but is more closely associated with Middle Eastern society than any specific religion. The principles that guide Taroof run concurrently with principles from Islamic culture. Iran is a context country (as are most Muslim countries): People and relationships are valued above physical possessions. As a result, traditional Iranians consider it an honor to feed and pamper their guests and friends. In the interest of upholding the guest’s value, Iranians can be persistent and tireless in their effort to please: Even if it involves offering expensive valuables or personal possessions (i.e.: your shirt, rug, ring, etc.).
America on the other hand, is considered an individual country. For this reason a lot of customs that Americans believe to be standard – for example: punctuality, fast paced living, limited conversation with strangers, etc. – are bewildering and even offensive to immigrants who are new to America. As a result, it would follow that in America if someone offers you something, they genuinely want you to have it; equally, if the person who’s being propositioned refuses the item, they simply don’t want it.
Culture clashes, however, happen anytime two cultures don’t take the initiative to learn about the other; Taroof can make for quite a calamity if an Iranian is not familiar with American culture and visa versa: A misunderstanding of Taroof can be costly for the giver and embarrassing for the taker. When people comment to Iranians about items they own and do not understand that it is a cultural sin to actually accept the item (depending on its value) from the person offering it.
There is an interesting true story about a young European man named Hanz. Hanz married an Iranian woman and together they decided to visit Iran on vacation. One night he accompanied his wife and in-laws to a dinner party at a friend’s house. After seeing the host's beautiful Persian rug, he commented on the rug’s beauty. The host immediately offered the rug to Hanz as a gift. Hanz of course refused, but the host insisted, and after only two back and forth protests, Hanz gave in to the host's request and accepted the rug. | | Bridging the Gap: Socioeconomic“ally” Many Americans know the wealth gap is widening. At any given moment images of destitute contrasted with celebrity lavish lifestyles can be viewed on TV. However, the individuals who find a way to build a bridge of human connection regardless of however large their socioeconomic gap are not often reported. This story is such a story: A full time sophomore college student had the “broke college student blues” like most college students do. While she worked full time, she was still having a hard time making ends meet. At the peak of the run away gas prices, the student was in quite and awkward position. With a Ford SUV, the student wasn’t sure how she was going to get enough money for the necessary gas to carry her between work, school and home for the week. After much agonizing and laboring, she came to the conclusion that she was going to have to write a bad check. While she always paid the money she owed back, she hadn’t the feeling of having to steal to keep getting by. On this night, she had a pleasant surprise waiting for her: She entered the convenience store to write the check for gas. Before she could finish, another customer entered the store and get in line behind her. He offered to foot the bill for filling up the tank. Unknowingly, the student was fraternizing with a man who had made his wealth in the oil industry, and was just trying to give a little back to the people who had helped him receive his wealth. It’s nice to know that in a world where we all seem to be separated from each other by seas of difference, we are not all indifferent. | At the end of the night, together with the help of the host, Hanz rolled up the rug and carried it away. (It should be noted that Persian Rugs are generally considered to be the best and most valuable hand-made rugs in the world.)
Upon leaving the house, his wife was horrified by the social fau paux her husband had just committed. In the interest of rectifying the mishap, Hanz waited a few days, and then came up with an elaborate story of how the rug wouldn’t be allowed to enter his country because of customs and returned the rug (which the owner refused to take back before finally accepting). When dealing with people of different cultures, it is important to remember that different cultures come with different customs. Specifically, when dealing with Iranians: don’t accept his first refusal but insist multiple times that they take it, and if you are offered anything (even if you want it) refuse a few times before finally accepting it.
Sounds confusing? Welcome to growing up Iranian in America…
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